


It's All Ending

by ivylynn



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 09:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4700738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivylynn/pseuds/ivylynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beca read somewhere that if you're in love with two people at once, pick the one you fell in love with second, because you would never fall in love with someone else if you'd really loved the first person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All Ending

**Author's Note:**

> fair warning, this doesn't have the happiest of endings.
> 
> the story goes along around pitch perfect 2 scenes until the very end.

The reality of things is: Beca's being shared. The problem: she doesn't mind it.

It's just never crossed her mind that the people sharing her do have a problem with it. It's hypocritical, if you ask her. They're the ones doing it in the first place, she's just not really objecting.

If that makes her a bad person, then she'll accept it. And honestly, it's not like she's cheating on Jesse. There's just a schedule in the group chat for him, her and Chloe on Facebook that makes a weekly event of figuring out when who's free.

She rarely participates, she just lets them work everything out on their own. Chloe has a permanent hold of Thursdays -- something about that being the best day to catch up on TV shows -- and Jesse likes Saturdays for dates.

It's all too formal for Beca to keep track of.

\- - -

Except when, somehow, she ends up overbooked in her senior year. She's always had time to catch up with both of them, tell them everything and hear about their problems, but at one point that just stops being an option.

She picks and chooses things she'll say to Chloe, and tells the rest to Jesse. It's mostly based on who will take what better. It's not really lying, if you think about it. She's just not telling them everything, based on who will prefer what. It's what she can cope with.

At the same time, it's making her almost miserable.

It feels like she's cheating on both of them with information that's tied just to one or the other, and it's never really been that way. When she tries to figure out why that's changed, her feelings for Chloe come to mind.

Jesse's been there from her freshman year, a constant in her romantic life, never faltering in any regard. But Chloe's crept up on her, slowly worming her way into Beca's life.

And it's nothing romantic; or at least she's not sure it can be. Supporting the idea that she likes Chloe as more than a friend would be admitting that she's in love with two people at once.

It's far too illogical to say that, even to herself.

\- - -

Her internship starts getting in the way from the very first night.

"Chloe asked where you were -- why didn't you tell her?" Jesse's obviously surprised. The truth is that Beca is, too. So she tells him she'll tell her some other time. The Worlds are a big deal, the lie is easy enough to sell.

He's not the one posing a problem that night, anyway, it's Chloe. And of all times she could've chosen, she chooses the moment Beca's finally comfortable on the bed in Chloe's room. It's the first time that day she's sat down without any reason to get up.

"Were you with Jesse today?" is Chloe's question, coming at the same time as her head on Beca's shoulder.

"Uh, yeah, I saw him earlier," she replies nonchalantly. "No, hey, I'm not watching that. I saw the spoilers." Grey's Anatomy is just about the last thing Beca needs in her life right now. She just wants to unwind after the first day hasn't gone too well.

Or not well at all, really.

"He told me he thought you were with me," Chloe adds, thankfully switching from Grey's to some show Beca doesn't really recognize. "Are you hiding something from him?"

"No." She's too quick to say it, so she adds, "I was just with him in the morning." It doesn't soften the tone.

"So why did he think you were with me?"

Curiosity is, at the same time, the thing she likes and hates the most about Chloe. Still, she can't fault her for asking; she guesses that's what best friends do on nights like these.

Except, well, not the two of them. Jesse's never been a prominent topic. "Guess he misheard me or some shit," Beca replies. "Can we stop talking about Jesse?"

"Sorry," Chloe says. It's not the end, the tone indicates that much. "It's just that you've been out and about a lot these past few weeks, I've barely seen you unless it was scheduled."

Beca stiffens, adjusting on the bed so that their sides aren't touching anymore. Chloe's having none of it; she inches closer again, placing a hand on Beca's thigh.

"This year will be hectic, I just wanted to spend some time with my boyfriend before classes start kicking my ass," she explains. If job interviews were her boyfriend, maybe it wouldn't be a lie. She's not even sure why she doesn't just admit that she has an internship, but she doesn't question herself about it.

"Understandable, boyfriends are obviously more important than best friends."

Beca suspects even Chloe knows that's low, perhaps that's why she does nothing to stop her from standing up. "I'm just gonna go to bed," she announces with a sigh following.

"Beca," Chloe sits up. "I'm sorry. Come on, let's just watch New Girl and enjoy ourselves."

"It's late, and you're half drunk. Goodnight, Chlo."

She doesn't refuse Chloe's apologies often -- or ever, for that matter -- so it keeps her up that night. She's only able to go to bed at five in the morning, when sleep drowns all thoughts of that.

\- - -

Beca meets Jesse a half an hour before the car show because he asks. It's been a week and their only contact has been through texting, which neither of them likes.

Beca's less vocal about it, though.

"Always so dramatic," she replies to his concern after a hello kiss, the one that leaves them inches away from each other. Jesse's hands linger on Beca's hips, in the way that they're both used to.

"I can't help it, we haven't had movie-like moments in a while," Jesse's grin is infectious when he flashes it.

"That's a lie, Swanson," Beca shakes her head. "I'm pretty sure there's a specific _genre_ of movies we've copied in the past couple of weeks."

And it's so unlike her to mention that right in front of the Bellas' house, when someone could come out any second. That's more like Beca when they're alone in his room or no one's in the Bellas house.

So really, Jesse's following joke _should_ be funny. "Been hanging out with Chloe a lot, huh?" But it comes out rather spiteful.

He's not that type of guy, Beca knows, but his words still cut through the light atmosphere they've had until then.

"We have the summer to make up for," she defends herself. "Her words, not mine."

He takes a step back when she raises her arms defensively, hesitance apparent in his gaze. It's easy enough to read him, he's the one wearing his heart on his sleeve and emotions on his face all the time.

"We," he gestures in between them, "also have some time to make up for, Bec."

And really, if years of maths help hadn't already solidified her and Stacie's friendship, her passing between the couple and pulling Beca with herself towards the car surely does. "Come on, cap, I don't want to get stuck in Lily's car today."

"We'll talk later," Beca throws over her shoulder, an apologetic look not fooling anyone.

It makes her feel bad that she can't really empathise with him about this, but it's easier to be with someone who's in the same house (and insists on studying in Beca's room) than anyone else. It's an asshole excuse, but it makes her feel a little better about it.

\- - -

"We need our captain in the zone when we're facing DSM!"

Stacie doesn't let Beca drive after the car show, claiming it's too dangerous when she's too wound up. Chloe opts out because she's too angry. So Emily is left sitting in between a frustrated Chloe and a mostly embarrassed Beca.

It's not the most comfortable position to be in. At least Beca tries to lean against the door and give her the space Chloe doesn't grant by leaning toward Beca.

"I _was_ in the zone," Beca argues.

"Yeah, I like to call it "I wanna have sex with the German chick" zone," Stacie adds to the exchange.

It's honestly not a big deal, Beca knows that. It's just a matter of proving that to Chloe that's left. That's often harder than convincing Amy to do cardio. And unlike earlier that day, Stacie isn't helping at all.

"Maybe we all need to redirect our focus on _just_ the Bellas," Chloe suggests, finally giving Emily some space by leaning back against her seat. Beca thinks it's because she can't keep looking at her, but if there's one thing she's good at, that'd be ignoring obvious things for something like -- maybe Chloe's neck started hurting.

(The real reason is there, in the back of her mind. She's just not too keen on admitting that.)

Emily mutters something about it being a hundred per cent Bellas, always, and Beca finds it funny because the girl's more involved with the group than her, who's been there for three years and counting.

And then she wants to cry because she's been there for _three years and counting_. It's funny how her inspiration went from being solely focused on the group to trying to figure out how to make it on the job that she's lost every thread of song she's had in mind for the Bellas.

Chloe doesn't need to know that, so she doesn't mention that the rehearsals are cutting it close to her job at that moment.

"Yeah, a hundred percent," the rest of the sentence floats unsaid in the air. The car ride is awkward at best from then on, and no one dares break the silence. Beca sees Emily opening her mouth a few times before she stops herself; it's probably a smart choice, with her tendecy to make things more awkward in the short time she's been with the Bellas.

\- - -

Jesse kind of freaks out when Beca tells him about her boss wanting to hear her stuff. His enthusiasm kind of makes up for her anxiety over giving the man her mixes.

"That's awesome, Bec!" He tells her, and then proceeds to invade her personal space by giving her a tight hug. She's used to those, really, even if she wishes they weren't so often.

If she were honest about it, she'd admit it's because she prefers Chloe's hugs to Jesse's. There's a lot of things to compare between the two of them, though, and she doesn't know where that road would lead her to. She's split in between them enough to stop herself before following that path.

It's just safer if she doesn't think about it at all. Not about the way Jesse makes picnics like the one they're on okay whereas Chloe excells at making nights out bearable, the times of day differing between the two because Jesse and her don't really go out at night most of the time.

That's something he prefers -- because she wouldn't really decline a proper dinner date -- but there's also something in the way their schedules always clash and they end up hanging out on the quad in between classes just enough not to have to go on real dates other than on Saturdays.

("Having a weekly thing is important," Jesse once told her, "to keep up the consistency of our relationship. I read it in a book.")

Except for, well, when Jesse brings a blanket and juice pouches and even some sandwiches at times; Beca doesn't mind it, anything to keep her away from her Sociology book. Why she took that class, she has no idea.

"I know," she answers after they sit down, "but he can still hate it."

"Nobody hates your mixes, though."

He has a good argument there, her mixes have won the Bellas three national titles, it can't have been for nothing. Except that in Beca's mind, that sounds more like he's consoling her than anything. Maybe going to someone else about this would've been more productive. Someone who wouldn't be afraid to tell her that maybe, yes, her boss will hate her music.

She wonders if that someone could be Chloe.

It's a constant battle between him and Chloe that wins over after an hour of him rambling about his classes and Beca laughing over the stupid things he's done so far, and she tells him she has to leave.

She's not even sure where, but she doesn't head in the direction of the house. She's not really one of those people who would stop in the middle of their walk and turn around, so obviously remembering they're not supposed to go that way.

No, she prefers finding a way around that, preferably in a big circle so no one would doubt anything. She tries to dull out her thoughts by blasting loud music on her iPod, but it doesn't work.

She wants Chloe for music. It's like Jesse is there for impromptu picnics, and Chloe's there to listen to her mixes and praise. It doesn't feel right not telling her about this. Still, she can't just go to her and _say_  it to her face.

That's a bad way to go about lying about it so far. She'll figure out a way to do it soon.

\- - -

Beca almost tells Chloe after the riff off. She opens her mouth when they're outside and heading to the car. Then she thinks better of it. Chloe's still pretty upset, there's no reason to add to that.

So instead, she goes with, "Emily's new, she's still learning."

And it gets thrown back into her face when Chloe turns around to face her. "You were new, and you didn't sing an original song at a riff off," Chloe says, handing her the keys to her car.

(When she became the designated driver, she doesn't know, but she's not complaining. Chloe's driving isn't something she wants to be subjected to often. Or ever again after the time they were running late to a performance.)

"But I did ruin our first riff off. Really, Legacy's just keeping up with a tradition."

That seems to calm Chloe down enough to actually get in the car. Beca drives more slowly than usually, mostly to let Chloe have some time before she faces Emily again.

"Do you want to go to that new restaurant that opened for lunch tomorrow?" Chloe asks after a while, when Beca's tapping her fingers against the wheel in no particular rhythm.

"Uh," she starts, letting out a few coughs to stall as she thinks of an excuse. "I have a thing tomorrow."

"You don't have classes."

"No, um, a thing," she repeats. It's better than saying she has her internship, but it still gets Chloe to look at her in that curious way that she doesn't really have an answer to. She has to find one now.

"Are you going out with Jesse?" Chloe asks, and it's _so_ easy to say yes.

But Beca doesn't really do easy, she never has. "No," she replies. "I just have a... study group or something like that."

"You've never really done study groups," Chloe comments. There's a hint in her voice that says she doesn't believe Beca, but she turns to watch the road again and Beca knows she's off the hook.

"Branching out."

Beca thinks Chloe accepts this too easily because she's frustrated and too angry to question anything. She really hopes Emily's back in her dorm when they come home. Not that she's scared of what Chloe would say, just..

Okay, maybe she's scared of what Chloe can say when she's cross with someone.

\- - -

High school used to suck for Beca. Not because of bullying -- she thankfully managed not to get in the way of jocks -- but because she managed to get involved in far too many things at once.

She didn't learn much from that experience, and instead did it to herself again. Because the internship is exhausting and so _not_ what she's expected. Sure, getting coffee and snacks was a given, but she's not thought she would be required to drive around the city to pick up wannabe artists and whatever lunch her boss is feeling that day.

Her boss, who hates her mixes. Which is funny, really, if you think about it; it's only the one thing she's wanted to do in life.

But it's fine, there's still time to change her mind about that. She can always be a cab driver, she seems to be good at picking people up. Her dad would surely be happier than her being a music producer, she'd end up in Georgia forever.

Or she can do what Chloe does and intentionally fail a subject until she gets good at this producing thing. National a capella is a different thing from the real world, she can get accostumed to it.

There's a place somewhere for short, sarcastic brunettes, Beca's sure; she just doesn't want to find it. She likes where she is -- mostly, she likes she's at the very end of this college experience -- and she'd rather not change her goals because of her boss.

And Jesse's ready to fly off to Los Angeles already, with a job offer under his belt. It doesn't really make things easy on her. At least she knows Chloe's staying.

Chloe's been kind of a constant in Beca's life, a star she can always look up to (something she'll never tell Chloe when she's drunk again, because it brings out all the short jokes) when she's lost. It's just not often she would admit that.

\- - -

"Are you sure you gave him the Nirvana/Radiohead mashup?" Jesse asks later that day, when they're sitting on his bed. It took one glare from Beca to get Benji out of the room and a few Trebles out of the house.

"Yes, Jess, that was the first one on the flash drive," she shakes her head, folding her arms in her lap. It's almost midnight, and she's only just got out of the office. Dax is incapable of doing anything on his own, she doesn't even try to feel bad for the guy anymore.

"That thing is genius, though, how could he say anything bad?" Bless Jesse, he always wears everything on his face, like the disappointed look he gives her that's mixed with a little insult. She's made that mix specifically for him, Beca gets it.

It's just that it doesn't really help her feel any better about today. "Can we just go to sleep and hope I get some talent in my dreams?"

"You're the most talented person I've met, Bec."

"You should go out more often," Beca tells him, getting off the bed. She should probably ask if she can stay over, but she figures it's the same as all the other times she's slept there. So she just gets a shirt from his closet and drags him to the bathroom.

The shower, for what it's worth, makes her feel a little better because she at least doesn't feel dirty anymore. It's not until they're lying on the bed, under the covers with his arms slipping around her as she leans her forehead against his chest, that they talk again.

"You have one more shot, right?" Jesse questions quietly, feeling her nod against him before continuing. "So do something with just one song, make the whole track or something. Change the music and everything."

"I can try."

"When you figure it out, I'd be happy to provide my guitar playing skills. Fair warning, I'm a bit expensive."

Beca doesn't reply, she just leans up and kisses him gently. Sometimes, when she's with him, it's easy to forget everything else.

\- - -

(And sometimes, when she wakes up in the middle of the night still safe in his embrace, she can't help but remember how Chloe's cuddling makes her feel a little more secure.

It's the scent of his shampoo that always throws her off, like she's expecting the familiar mango smell enwrapping her instead.

Sometimes, she wishes she could fall back asleep just as easily as she had earlier that night.)

\- - -

The mashup for their next performance even has a bad story behind it, which should be an indication to how the performance would go. It consists of Chloe coming into her room, plopping down on the bed and telling her, "We have to show off dancing for this, make something upbeat and loud."

That's really the whole story.

So instead of butting in on the conversation about who's to blame (it's Chloe), Beca eyes the lyrics that Emily's scribbling in her notebook. Which is why she doesn't hear about this stupid retreat Chloe has them going to.

Packing for it sucks, but Chloe's helping, at least. Or rather, Chloe's checking her bag, taking all of the clothes and the laptop out of it and putting new things in it.

"Too formal," she says as she replaces jeans with shorts and buttonups with tank tops. Beca just sits and watches this with no interest in helping out. She's packed once, Chloe can change whatever she wants.

When Chloe asks if she plans on picking out her own clothes, she replies with, "You got it covered," and lies back on the bed. Chloe's packed for herself already, and made sure Emily has everything ready, so she has time, Beca's sure.

"You're lucky I love you," Chloe says, rolling her eyes as she puts clothes back into Beca's wardrobe. Beca scoffs, because what she almost says is kind of unacceptable.

(She never tells Chloe she loves her when they're alone, it's the implication that it wears keeping her from it. It's almost as if she would say it the way Jesse gets it, and that seems unfair.)

"Hurry up, Beale, we're supposed to leave in half an hour," Beca urges playfully, nudging Chloe's leg with her foot.

"We'd be right on time had you packed the right clothes in the first place," Chloe replies easily as she swats Beca's foot away gently. "I informed everyone how they should pack -- do you never listen?"

Beca shrugs. "Maybe I just like having people pack for me." It's better than saying she wasn't paying attention to the majority of Chloe's rant in the bus. God forbid she's caught out of the zone once again.

She has a feeling Chloe's more stressed than okay at this point, anyway, and she doesn't want to test that theory out. So she lets her throw stuff into her bag, and only adds in her laptop at the end.

Beca's somehow stuck carrying both her and Chloe's bags out to the bus, as punishment for not packing in time. Amy offers her help, but Beca's confident that if she said she needs it, she's just get a laugh thrown in her face.

\- - -

Of course Beca messes everything up. _Technically_ , she knows, Amy's the one who pushes her to say something about the internship, but she's the one caught in her web of lies.

And literally, too, in a web that's there for bears she doubts even come to camp grounds. She's pretty sure she has grounds for a lawsuit there, perhaps she'll think it over and ask Ashley for some legal advice as soon as she gets down from the stupid net that has her panicking and regretting everything she's done.

(She's also sure she can sue Lilly for not giving her a heads up when she cuts her down, but she's not particularly keen on getting into a legal fight with the girl.)

Once the panic over her fall calms down, Chloe drags her away from everyone so they can have privacy. Aubrey busies the others with some vocal exercise that no one wants after the day they've had, but Beca's thankful for the time she gets with Chloe.

Maybe she won't sue Aubrey, after all.

The grounds of the Lodge are actually quite nice once you disregard that it's run by Aubrey Posen of all poeple. Beca's willing to bet it's much more luxurious inside, but that she's yet to witness.

It reminds her of the summer after her freshman year, when Chloe and Aubrey insisted the Bellas go on a trip to the beach -- except the ocean is replaced by a small lake and sand underneath their feet when Chloe dragged Beca on a moonlit midnight walk is instead muddy ground.

Still, it's similar in the way Chloe's walking so close to her, the steps they take in sync as they follow the coast line.

"I knew you would never go to a study group." Chloe nods, an arm laced around Beca's elbow. Beca has to roll her eyes at that, even though it's quite expected. She's not one for groups. Or studying, for that matter.

"That was a lame excuse, I can admit it," Beca says. She doesn't mention the fact that lying to Chloe is hard enough already, nevermind when there's pressure to think up a lie. "I'm sorry I lied."

It's almost sundown, Beca knows, which is probably for the best because they're all tired enough as is. All Beca can do is walk along the lake coast with Chloe right now, and then she wants to sit or lie down and not get up until the sun rises again. Which is not to say she's ready to wake up at five in the morning, but if today's any indication, they're up for another early wake up call.

Wanting tomorrow to come has nothing to do with the fact that they're going back to Barden tomorrow because Spring Break is nearing the end and they all have classes to go back to soon. Not at all; she's just exhausted. There's no way she would ever admit to missing college, but somehow involving Aubrey in every Spring Break since coming to Barden never spells out good.

"I get it," Chloe nods. "I mean, I don't, because I've literally never been anything but supportive, but I was a bit... stressed this whole year," she sighs. Four years of knowing Chloe Beale is enough for Beca to know not to laugh at how she says it. Like it isn't something that's been driving her crazy.

"I just didn't want to make you worry that I'm not putting everything I can into the Bellas," Beca explains. Her gaze travels towards where Chloe puts her free hand, on Beca's upper arm with a gentle squeeze.

Her breath hitches, but Beca doesn't acknowledge it. "You mean everything you should, right?" Chloe asks.

There's really no right or wrong answer there, from what Beca thinks. She doesn't owe anything more than she's given to the girls, which is pretty much everything. Without Nationals this year, it's not like they have any chance at he Worlds. Beca's sure Chloe doesn't think so, but with all of the countries qualified for Worlds, it's far more competition than just Treblemakers.

Jesse and Benji might not have anything to counter their mashups, but someone in the world is bound to have a solution. Which, really, is more about Beca's insecurity in her producing skills than her lack of faith in the Bellas, but whatever.

"Everything I should, yeah."

\- - -

They manage to do it. The judges must be as sentimental as the rest of her team, because DSM has put up a fair fight that could've led to the Bellas losing. But they win and Jesse's there and --

Beca's not sure what that means. He drove her to the airport, they've had their goodbye; it's a surprise seeing him in the crowd with that huge flag up in the air.

She drags him behind the stage as soon as she can break free from the Bellas. From Chloe, mostly, who's not sold on the idea of letting people breathe when the trophy is in their possession.

"What are you doing here?!" Beca yells over the crowd, so Jesse can hear her. She's hugging him, and admittedly maybe she shouldn't use so much volume so close to his ear, but he doesn't complain.

"Thought I'd swing by, someone had to cheer our team on," Jesse shouts. She drags him further away from everyone, where her grin can finally fade to a simple smile. The Bellas have proved her wrong, and it has nothing to do with her mix that's got them that trophy. (Okay, maybe it has _something_ to do with it, and perhaps that's the reason behind her smile. Mostly.)

"We had all of two fans out there, I'm pretty sure Benji paid people to do the flashlights thing," Beca jokes. It's not really far from what Benji would actually do, but she doubts people would even listen to him for more than a few seconds. "Aren't you supposed to be in Los Angeles right now?"

"This was more important, my boss understood I'd need a few more days," Jesse nodded. It's the honesty he says it with that makes Beca regret everything. She hasn't cheated, not really, nor did she ever want to, but it feels awful anyway.

There he is, who knows how many miles away from home just to be there for her, and she's been so lost in her own things to even Skype him. She's happy with him -- really, she _is_ \-- but he deserves more.

He deserves movie endings and music whenever she looks at him, and that's not what he is for her. Because Chloe's always been music. Because Chloe's always been half of her love and there's nothing he can do about that. It's kind of tragic how she's thinking of ending things on the happiest day of her life so far.

And how he has that grin on his face that lets her know he has no idea what she's thinking.

Beca blinks, takes in a heavy breath and then readjusts herself in front of him to stand straight.

"I can't do this anymore," she says, he strains to hear it. It's silent around them, but her voice is quiet as she tells him. "We," her eyes fall to the ground, too close to tears for her liking, "should break up."

"Wait, what?"

It's out of the blue to Jesse, so inexplicable that his eyes widen and his head moves forward as if he doesn't understand the words.

"I'm breaking up with you," Beca repeats, louder now. "It's not fair to you, I can't give you everything."

And how can she explain it better? She's not good with words to begin with, and she's never broken up with anyone before. She's not even thought of breaking up with someone she loves, but it feels right. However fucked up that is, to feel good about breaking someone's heart.

It's supposed to happen, she's just doing it sooner rather than later, when they're on different coasts and struggling to make their careers work.

"Because of her?" Jesse nods behind Beca, and she turns to see Chloe still in a happy daze after their win with the Bellas surrounding her. "Finally dumping me to get the girl?"

"No," Beca shakes her head when her eyes land back on Jesse after lingering on Chloe for a second too long. "There's nothing going on between Chloe and me. I just can't give you everything, Jess. It's not fair."

"Let _me_ decide what's fair for _me_ ," he says, taking a step back. Jesse's doing that thing with his arms where they're crossed nervously against his chest in a way to protect himself.

"I'm sorry."

It's a testament to how this has been building up the whole year -- four years? -- when she doesn't feel any different. Her heart's beating faster than usually, eyes are welling up with tears and she can't keep them on him; it's just that she feels nothing other than what she's been feeling for a while.

Taking his appearance in -- the shock in his eyes, the tapping of his foot against the ground -- she knows they've had a different look on things all along. It's what assures her this is the right move to make. Because he needs someone who thinks the same as he does, it's not right to keep him from it.

There's a girl out there who will make all of Jesse Swanson's dreams come true; it's just not Beca. Beca, honestly, feels like she isn't right for herself, much less another person. She's been in between two people for far too long, and she can't allow it to continue when they've been sharing her for four years.

Four years of picnics with Jesse, and spending nights in Chloe's bed; of laughing with him, and dueting with her. It's far too long to stay in the middle, and maybe right now is the perfect time to step out of the triangle that's never been about love.

Chloe's never wanted more than a friendship, Jesse's never wanted less than a relationship -- Beca's always needed a balance of the two she couldn't quite figure out.

"Are you sure?" Jesse tilts his head as he asks, a semblance of hope still in his gaze. It disappears when she nods.

Beca kisses his cheek gently, placing a hand on his shoulder as she moves closer. "I'm sure," is the only thing she says in return, and then accepts the hug he leans in to give her. She doesn't deserve him, she knows that when he doesn't push any further on the topic.

Jesse knows that she's made this decision, and she won't back down. Beca appreciates it, it makes him the good guy he's always been.

"You just won Worlds, go celebrate with your team," Jesse says, nudging her towards the rest of the Bellas. It makes it all that much harder to leave him, but she nods appreciatively, curves a side of her lips into a half smile that's mostly an apology.

"You'll find someone someday who deserves you more than I ever did," Beca tells him, with a sigh falling off her lips.

\- - -

Beca read somewhere that if you're in love with two people at once, pick the one you fell in love with second, because you would never fall in love with someone else if you'd really loved the first person.

She's reminded of this now that Chloe's putting a box in their living room, stuff labeled with _shared_ in Chloe's cursive handwriting, and exhaling from the weight of it finally out of her hands and on the floor. She knows why she fell for Chloe, it's there in the way Chloe looks at her with big blue eyes, a satisfied smile on her face that Beca's seen nearly every week since freshman year.

"We're all moved in," Chloe nods, hands balled in fists on her hips. "With little thanks to you," she adds in as she moves to sit down on the couch. Chloe places her feet in Beca's lap as she leans against the arm of the couch, grinning at her.

"I did my half, it's not my fault you're so slow," Beca replies, switching the channel. She leaves it on America's Next Top Model before Chloe can even tell her to stop there, a habit from living in the same house for three years. "We still have to unpack at one point today."

"There's time for that after Top Model," Chloe says. Beca can't help but agree with a noncommital shrug while she gazes over at Chloe; they have time to laze around, at least until Chloe changes her tune and decides they've been doing nothing for long enough. It's bound to happen at one point of the day, when she can't watch the boxes in the rooms anymore.

It's kind of perfect, this arrangement -- they're able to afford the apartment while Chloe's in grad school and Beca's accepted a position at Residual Heat to gain some experience before moving to Los Angeles. It's just a coincidence they'll both be there to help out Emily with the Bellas a little as she tries to recruit a completely new team.

And yes, sure, they'll miss the team, but it's time to let go of that part of their lives. Not the people, though, Beca's sure of that. She's found that having people she trusts in her life isn't as bad as she'd thought upon entering college, and she's not sure she wants to find a completely new group of friends to socialize with.

She's kind of fond of her Bellas.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"Just about how Legacy's going to manage to find a group as good as ours," Beca replies. It's not completely true, but it's at least more interesting than her real thoughts. "She better find someone who can make their choreographies, because that girl has no moves."

"I told her we'd help out whenever we can, and that we're coming to auditions," Chloe tells her. She's keeping her eyes on the television, not a glance at Beca; it's almost a defense mechanism, acting careless about making plans for both of them like that. It's not that Beca minds it, just that this is the first time she notices it.

"Gee, thanks for asking," Beca jokes, and Chloe sees right through it when she rolls her eyes at it. "I'm pretty sure you won't be able to go to enough of their rehearsals to make the routine for them, no matter how much you want to. They have to figure it out for themselves, like we did."

"Yeah, but we had your music and my dancing to help us," Chloe reasons. She looks over at Beca and shakes her head. "Shouldn't your eyes be on the TV to watch the show?" Chloe asks, chuckling as she shakes her head, and Beca realizes she's been staring at Chloe's face for a while there.

"Eh, I like this view better," she shrugs. It's not hard to make Chloe smile, but it always brings a feeling of accomplishment in the pit of Beca's stomach when she manages.

It's a blessing and a curse at the same time to make Chloe Beale smile; Beca's been on the receiving end of her endless happiness for a while now, she'd know. Anyone who sees past that smile falls in love. Or maybe that's just Beca who manages to like everything Chloe does. Whatever the reason behind it is, it's unknown to her.

And she's almost certain Chloe doesn't even realize the effect she can have on people. Being close to people is just what she does, friendly and constantly seeking contact, it's really no wonder she doesn't know.

So maybe falling in love with two people isn't the optimal thing to do to yourself, Beca notes; but the theory she's read about just doesn't cut it for her. It's just something she's read when she was browsing for songs. She's not exactly sure how a song search leads to life altering advice, but she knows one thing more than she did beforehand.

Which, when you think about it, doesn't help her at all. The only thing it does, is make her question every encounter she's had with both Jesse and Chloe since her coming to Barden. An endless stream of meetings floods her mind whenever she's alone, trying to figure things out.

If knowing who she fell for first is what she needs to do, then she's going to try and figure it out. If not for a chance to be with that person, then just for having some peace in her mind. She came to college with a perfectly clear vision of what she wants in life.

She finishes her four years confused and with one less person in her life. She's managed to change her point of view about this whole college thing people just _do_ on their own free will from the start, but it's cost her a heartbreak and nothing's clear in her mind. Beca still has a choice in front of her, something she needs to decide just to deal with living with only Chloe in the apartment, without the rest of the Bellas to distract her.

But then, maybe Beca can't choose one because she fell in love with both of them at the same time.

Or maybe it's never been love at all.

\- - -

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! any comments are very much appreciated (:


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